Finding grace in unraveling and self in loneliness
In an ideal world, everything goes according to plan. Connections, promises, and people remain as we knew them, and the romanticized roadmap we mentally configure becomes our reality. However, most of us confront the truth of human existence as universal pawns and acceptance and adaptability become our greatest assets. Something unexpected will ultimately occur in life and travel. Scale and specifics differ, like distance, community, language, currency and customs. While we can’t prepare for every potential, we can build a strong base to get through most. And that’s better than giving up at every slight inconvenience and turning back. The growth opportunity is worth it.
Plus, you’re stronger than you think.
Everyone is a foreigner somewhere
But we all coexist on the same planet. I knew someone who challenged ownership and borders, and it stayed with me because of my inherent confusion and sadness at how quickly humans possess what should belong collectively. Figuratively and materially, there is enough joy, prosperity, success, and space to go around if we can learn how to share. It’s a simple concept impossible to ignore when you lead with kindness and compassion. The idea that we’re here to “get ahead” is absurd to me. Where is everyone going? Getting ahead of what or who? Where else is better than where we are? And what greater purpose exists than contributing to a healthy planet and humanity? Local entitlement exists and (respectfully) rightfully so. Preserving land, culture, and livability is crucial, especially in combating the “finders keepers” mentality of less-aware individuals. But, like anything, the extreme can be dangerous.
Alchemy of resilience and adventure in dissolution
Not enough is said about the initial pain of unexpectedly changed plans. I believe things eventually reroute to a more fruitful, aligned reality, but at first, it sucks. This truth becomes visceral, first when everything familiar disappears. And then, when things go wrong. Pretense strips away, revealing the self beneath the constructed identity.
Travel disruptions come in many forms, including flights, politics, health, and technology. Preparation matters, but don’t overdo it. The goal isn’t to eliminate all possibilities of difficulty but to develop the capacity to navigate challenges with grace rather than panic. Panic expends energy; calm creates it. My elementary school teacher advised us to stop, rest and breathe in the most chaotic moments, which is counterintuitive to the urgency we probably felt. However, immediate fixing, controlling, or escaping often leads to unproductive blame or resistance. Unsafe situations are the exception and require immediate action.
Breath becomes the primary tool. Not metaphorically, but actual conscious attention to rhythm. Breath continues, regardless of circumstances, even during uncertainty. Use it as a metronome and an anchor. Internal resources resolve external circumstances. When familiar support systems disappear and plans dissolve, what remains is your capacity to adapt regardless of the situation. Forget trying to understand everything and focus on acceptance instead.
Resilience (and the best travel stories) develops through tough experiences. Each challenge navigated successfully builds future confidence. Initial anxiety gradually turns into curiosity for each new situation.
What challenges us most often has the best rewards. Travel gone wrong forces the development of skills rarely needed (but never lost) in familiar environments: improvisation and emotional regulation in uncertain situations. And a healthy dose of delusional confidence.
This self-reliance differs from isolation or independence. It’s recognition that internal stability provides the foundation for navigating any external circumstance. This also shifts the narrative from ‘Why me?’ to ‘What is this teaching me?’ and eventually, ‘How can this experience serve others facing a similar challenge?’. Like me writing about and sharing it. This progression transforms travel difficulties into shared stories.
Loneliness and being alone
A while back, I wrote about loneliness and the love of being alone. I explain the commonalities and acknowledge that impermanence makes solitude inevitable and occasionally enjoyable.
Loneliness while travelling carries particular weight because it contradicts expected narratives of adventure and connection. Everything is supposed to be new and exciting, meeting new people and places. Instead, you’re often alone in a cafe, journaling about an ex, struggling to communicate basic needs and feeling more alone than before.
While solitude is chosen, circumstances impose loneliness we cannot always control. For example, places where everyone else seems to belong, new connections you’re unsure how to approach or when you’re sick and want your bed.
The tendency can either numb through distractions or amplify through rumination. Neither serves the situation. Loneliness, when met directly, often reveals important information about connection needs and personal resources. It teaches distinction between being alone and feeling isolated, between needing others and depending on external validation for wellbeing. Loneliness is a natural part of the human experience, not a sign of personal failure or poor travel choices. Embrace the full spectrum of experience rather than rejecting uncomfortable emotions to understand the difference.
Practical Navigation Through Difficulty
When travel goes wrong, specific actions help more than general optimism or forced gratitude. Sometimes we can just lick our wounds and not dig for a silver lining. Start with immediate needs: safety, shelter, communication, and basic sustenance. Then tackle the larger problems. Community is invaluable. Even if distant. Contact family, friends or someone you feel safe confiding in.
For logistical setbacks, document everything. Photos of canceled notices, email screenshots, receipts for unexpected expenses. Research local resources and customs related to your specific situation. Understanding local approaches to problem-solving prevents additional stress from minor misunderstandings. Finally, if possible, prioritize an emergency fund and different ways to access it.
The only way out is through
Resist the urge to quickly forget difficult experiences. Integration matters before moving on. Ask yourself tough questions and answer genuinely to build strength. Like training your adaptability muscle. What resources did you discover within yourself? Which support systems proved most valuable? How did the challenge change your relationship to control and planning?
You’re capable of handling whatever comes your way. This knowledge, once embodied, helps recognize growth opportunities.
Everyone is a foreigner somewhere, but we’re all humans everywhere.
